A poem for 10 years

“Are you saying the fires were a good thing in your life?”

Yesterday I spoke on Jon Faine’s special broadcast to mark the 10th anniversary of the February 2009 fires. 173 people lost their lives during or immediately after the fires and an equally sad too many thereafter. Thousands of homes, businesses and community facilities were destroyed. Hundreds of thousands of hectares of forest and farming land were razed. Communities were shaken to their core.

Image contains: burned ruins of a home, some exterior mudbrick walls are still standing, there is twisted metal and a melted bath. Behind the home are many burnt trees in a forest.
What remained of my home, and the forest behind.

What followed was a truly remarkable response from all levels of government, charitable organisations and, most importantly, thousands of ‘ordinary’ people who helped in countless ways: donations of money, provision of shelter to people and animals, goods, labour and services, listening patiently, fostering creativity and advocacy. The relief effort is ongoing.

On the program I discussed the experiences of the displaced, especially those who didn’t return to live in the fire-affected areas. Not everyone rebuilt their homes. I mentioned the difficulties experienced by people like me, which were different from those who remained in place. I was accompanied by Professor Lisa Gibbs, from the University of Melbourne, who has lead an extensive body of research into community, recovery and resilience after bushfire. Details of the Beyond Bushfires team and research can be found here. I stressed that, for me, the experience of the losses from the fires have lead to post-traumatic growth: my life now is richer. I am grateful for the positives the disaster has brought me. Jon Faine suggested that the listeners at home might wonder “are you saying the fires were a good thing in your life?” And I would have to say, yes they were. But they were also awful. They’ve left me with psychological scars and have changed my relationship with the bush forever. If I had my life over, I would not have been on that mountain on the day. If I had my life over, those powerlines would not have sparked that blaze.

Last year, on the 9th anniversary, I wrote this poem.

If only
our subsequent tears
had rained
on those errant
sparks

Image contains: a circular path around a 10m high iron tree with a canopy of hand-forged eucalyptus leaves.
The Blacksmith’s Tree, Strathewen

This year, I was asked to write a poem to contribute to the City of Whittlesea’s ‘Growth’ commemorative event. I grabbed a notebook and headed to my local café, only to discover the notebook I had in my hand was the one that I carried for months after the fires. I mined it for this poem.

10 years since the fires

I’ve been asked to write
a poem

last week I sobbed
forecast 45 degrees
memories hot
raw dread fear

I’ve been asked to write
a poem

café, tofu and soba
old notebook
2009
full of lists

insurance policy numbers
building code advice
real estate agents
grants to apply for

Phoenix Taskforce
documents to find
wound clinic appointments
support group dates

donated goods
people to thank
contacts at Grocon
trauma psychologists

what we need for the baby
relationship counsellors
re-establishing contents
family lawyers

I’ve been asked to write
a poem

walk to the café
scribble down words
boys are at school
barista knows my name

flick pages
catch breath
frown at names
no longer recognised

at home
greying dog
freshly picked plums
ready for the preserver

post photo online
new friends, new fella click ‘love’
profile now declares me
a poet

I’ve been asked to write
a poem

my green notebook
2009
full of lists
a poem

Image contains: view up from underneath Australian tree ferns, with a shaft of sun shining through
Ferns at Tarra Bulga National Park, close to where the Callignee fires swept through in February 2009


Thank you to everyone who has supported any person affected by the 2009 fires. Thank you for remembering. May we all continue to heal.

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