Fist (revised)

I watch its angry arc
through treacle time
its fury almost graceful,
with a hint of haste

this clenched missive
each knuckle scripted
its disgust
aimed at my nose

I do not flinch
though I cry ‘I’m sorry’
is it this
or the force of my gaze?

that arrests your fist
no imprint left
your message
written on me still

I have revised this somewhat. After spirited discussion on Facebook I have elected to retain ‘treacle’, albeit at the risk of my readers’ minds drifting to thoughts of gingerbread. I have extended the ‘missive’ metaphor in the second stanza and referred back to it in the fourth. I hope it’s a stronger poem for these changes. Thanks to all my poetic friends for their input.

One response to “Fist (revised)

  1. That last verse is sublime. Love the melody. The whole thing’s great and I applaud your use of treacle – if I could do it, baby I would!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s